Pissing while Pissed

I'll tell you one thing and I wont tell you two things. Well, I probably will end up doing just that, but I like the figure of speech.
Now, when going out for a few drinks, there are very few things one should worry about. And if one has any worries, after the few drinks take their toll ( I find a few drinks does wonders to lighten up one's soul), all the worries become nothings and pieces of piss. But, and not to be crude, piss leads me on to my point and my topic of this blog. It is, ironically,  for me the essence of perpetual worry when it comes to going on a night out, be it a in a pub, a club or a restaurant. A club in fact is the biggest factor when it comes to this worry.

Bathroom Etiquette: I enter the bathroom. I lock the door. If there is a sprinkle left over, I clean it up. I wash my hands, thoroughly.

If I'm in a nightclub however..... I go into the bathroom. Depending on the amount of high class beverages I've enjoyed on the particular night, I'll either go straight to the urinal or straight to a cubicle. I'll have to put up with taking a piss in the urinal amongst several other people of probably as drunk a disposition as myself, and this leads to concern for more than one reason.
A. It is very important to aim properly. And avoid backsplash. Wearing jeans or dark coloured material may let you get away with the visual aspect of backsplash, but I've learned the hardway that a pair of grey slacks will make you look like a clumsy fool.
B. Engaging people in conversation while at the urinal. Sample conversation:  Man one says:" Awh man Arsenal were savage today" Man two: " Fuckin tell me about it pal" End of sample conversation. These conversations will usually extend to two sentences at most. Sentence one is being friendly, by sentence two you realise you are taking a piss and that talking to a complete stranger a yard away from you while doing so is a bit awkward and just doesn't feel right.
C. This for me is the biggest thing that bugs me while in the jacks. And it's the most simple, most basic, most decent thing ya can ever do after working on the auld waterworks, if ya get me drift. Why can't people ( and ladies, as I've only ever been in a ladies toilets once, and not by choice, I can only assume it's only men who don't do this) not wash their bloody hands before leaving the toilet???? Now you may think this may not impact upon me , ( I assure you i wash my hands profusely)  cos i may not know the specific person I see doing this and may not interact with them for the whole night, BUT when they leave the bathroom they have to put their dirty, filthy, wet hands on the door handle. Germs, bacteria etc... these bugs bug me. I have to go through them to leave.
I can only hope that I have enough drinks not to worry about it, at the time.
:D